Money as a wedding gift

#1. Oct 11th 2009, 9:20pm | Link to Message | Report Post

Do you think it's OK to ask for money as a wedding gift?

We already have a house and had been living together for a couple of years before we got married, so we didn't need all the things you normally ask for. We tried Debenham's and Amazon wishlists, but in the end asked for money towards our honeymoon with a Trailfinders giftlist.

We thought it was OK, but we know some people think it's a bit cheeky. What do you think?

#2. Oct 12th 2009, 7:29pm | Link to Message | Report Post

I think it is fine to ask for money as a wedding gift. Like you say, you might already have near enough everything you want for your house, but you could always do with more money! Just think...if everyone gave money as a gift, it might just about pay for the cost of the wedding!

#3. Oct 13th 2009, 12:37am | Link to Message | Report Post

As being old school had different thoughts about asking about money for gift but on reflection since most people live together beforerhand seems like a great idea! as house is already home.

#4. Oct 13th 2009, 10:20am | Link to Message | Report Post

I dont know if i like this idea, we have lived together for 2 years+ but we do have asda crockery and towels. Our toaster was won in prize bingo and our kettle has just broke as well as has the cooker - yes our house is falling apart.

I like the idea of having a list - but others find this cheeky too, I just dont want to end up with 10 toasters all white in a silver kitchen. My reason for having the list is to think oh auntie x got us that for our wedding.

but then again, who will buy us a cooker? - money could go towards this? but how do you ask, and as a guest how much do you give?

#5. Oct 13th 2009, 11:32am | Link to Message | Report Post

Hey Erin,

Yeah it's tough, we struggled with the idea for ages and actually had three separate lists going at one time! We decided in the end that for us going on a honeymoon was the most important thing to us and without our generous guests we just couldn't have afforded it after the expense of the wedding.

I know how you feel about thinking it's a little cheeky but I seemed to get the impression that our guests were happy that they were contributing to our honeymoon rather than just giving us money. So there are definitely ways around it. With places like Debenhams you can have a list of items plus a giftcard option that way you can write a little message to put in your invitations (places like Debenhams give you little cards to use), and you could mention that you really need a new cooker to cook your new husband all those meals he'll expect so if you wanted to contribute towards that please feel free to add to the giftcard instead. (or something like that).

Even if you don't ask for money some guests will give you it anyway as it's just easier for them and some people are used to it and don't find it odd so I'm sure you would be able to put that together with the giftcard and buy a larger appliance.

Friends of ours wrote a little poem and put it in with their invitations explaining that they were in need of some new windows and that seeing as they had everything they needed they would be really grateful if people wouldn't mind contributing to that instead of gifts. There are loads of nice poems out there for this...


"If you was thinking of giving us a gift, to help us on our way.
A gift of cash towards our house, would really make our day.
However, if you prefer to purchase a gift, feel free to surprise us in your own way"

or

"We don’t want to offend but we have it all,
All household goods and so much more.
To save you shopping, sit back and rest,
A gift of currency is our request.
Don’t go overboard or rob any banks,
Any little thing will make us smile with thanks.
We supply the wishing well,
No wrapping, an envelop who can tell.
Now that we have saved you all the fuss,
It would be appreciated if you would come
And celebrate with us"

Just some ideas.

#6. Oct 13th 2009, 1:07pm | Link to Message | Report Post

oh they are really nice, ive never received an invite to a wedding yet. I think slipping something into invite is a good idea or you will end up with numerous phone calls, asking what we want.

We have already received an electic wok. wedding isnt until 2011, well 487 days to be precise

As for cooker it would have to be re-worded, im not allowed in his kitchen lol never complain about it :)

we are waiting a while until honeymoon, 1. money and 2. theres too much on 3. i am terrified of flying so would rather leave it a while work on my nerves

Brushed this part to the side as we cant agree.

#7. Oct 13th 2009, 2:00pm | Link to Message | Report Post

You aren't allowed in his kitchen?! How did you manage that? I'd love to know your secret :)

Gosh that is an early wedding gift, I guess people like to be prepared.

We thought about leaving our honeymoon till a while after the wedding but seeing as we hadn't had a holiday in a while and we really really needed one we just did everything we could to manage it. Might be a while before we go anywhere again though :)

You seem so organised with over a year to go! I'm impressed.

#8. Oct 13th 2009, 2:03pm | Link to Message | Report Post

Hey that's a great idea Jay! You could ask for money and have it practically pay for the whole day :)

As for being old school I think people's opinions are changing towards the idea the same way gift lists appeared to offend people when those became more popular.

#9. Oct 13th 2009, 3:24pm | Link to Message | Report Post

I think it is fine to ask for money, people can buy you a present if they prefer.

I agree with Jay, ask for money for the wedding day itself! I like that.

#10. Oct 13th 2009, 8:15pm | Link to Message | Report Post

I really liked the idea of the trailfinders account. I think it is absolutely marvellous that you could go a honeymoon as your wedding gift. Weddings seem to be such expensive things, never mind adding the cost of a honeymoon.

I have lived with my other half for years and we too have a house full of stuff but I could always do with really nice towels and a lovely shiny toaster that hasnt been dropped and now leaks crumbs everywhere. New fancy schmancy bedlinen and such.

But we were lucky that our families bought us gifts when we moved in together. My parents bought us a washing machine and his a microwave and pots and even my aunty bought us an iron. Actually now that I think on it, it was my brother that bought me the toaster that I dropped. Oops !! sorry!!

So I feel we have already been lucky enough to receive gifts and wouldn't expect anything else. However if people were still wanting to buy me a gift for our wedding I wouldn't feel strange in the slightest putting together a wedding list (id rather that than they feel harassed about what to get us) and although I probably wouldn't just ask straight out for cash I would defo think about a gift card or holiday account.

oh and I would really love new fitted wardrobes but that would be just plain weird.

Yeah!! im getting carried away now !!!

#11. Oct 19th 2009, 12:15pm | Link to Message | Report Post

I fully intend to set up a travel account to have a honeymoon. Most people live together before they get married and have all that they want/need so I think it's def better to buy what you want with money :-)

#13. May 13th 2010, 10:44am | Link to Message | Report Post

Sorry to drag up an old topic, however thought I'd add my two cents.

I've lived with my fiancée for almost 6 years now, we have everything we need in the house.

We have decided to go with Thomson holiday Vouchers ( http://www.thomson.co.uk/editorial/extras/holiday-vouchers.html?essential=vouchers ) as our wedding gift and spread the word via friends and family. We personally didn't feel comfortable putting a note in with the invite asking for money or vouchers, but each to their own. :)

We had already booked our honeymoon and paid for it as we couldn't really deal with the uncertainty of not knowing how much we would get, and instead worded it as collecting vouchers so we could spend our first anniversary away together somewhere special.

I'm still expecting someone to turn up with a toaster, and without wanting to sound ungrateful, I'm going to struggle to sound really happy and say something along the lines of "Aww thanks... Just what we were after, we haven't got one of these".

#14. May 14th 2010, 4:19pm | Link to Message | Report Post

Oooh I didn't realise Thomas Cook did this! I must tell my sister as she is about to set up a honeymoon account with Trailfinders for lack of an alternative. Thanks!

oh yeah someone will get you a toaster - guaranteed lol